Broken is the New _____

Sad to say, but it's very clear that this blog has been neglected, but hooray to the visitors who still stop on by and take a peek at my reflections on fatherhood.

Last week babyboy sadly said, "our friendship is broken." Ouch! how does babydaddy respond to that? Ya see, babyboy was just in the midst of his full week of FT pre-K. Sometimes the limitations of kids being able to verbalize things are funny, or frustrating. In this instance, it was just an accurate statement.

Since moving to TN in 2011, babyboy and I have spent many hours and days together, while babymama went off to teach, and babygirl went off to pre-K. During the school year, we were partners in crime as we tackled laundry together, went grocery shopping, etc. We would read, play, eat, and go everywhere together. For the first time in babyboy's existence, he was regularly going somewhere else by himself, and babydaddy was at home.

In his own mind, we we weren't being friends, our relationship had drastically changed. He was under the care and guidance of his capable teachers and the greater school community, not his dad/friend.

Babydaddy would be lying if the thought of this new schedule and life as he knows it was oddly strange. Prior to life in TN, Babydaddy was clearly a breadwinner, sole financial provider, and worked various jobs to support the family. Life in TN has been full of new roles including: school dropoff dad, breakfast/lunch maker, family calendar manager, library dad, stay at home dad, train track designer+builder, business owner, etc. Just as I had fully understood and embraced those new roles, it all quickly changed. Many of those labels and roles are not as applicable this school year, and babydaddy is somewhat at a loss in diminished roles, new schedules, etc. Concretely babydaddy was aware of how things might be different, but emotionally babydaddy did not prepare for the idle time, changes in responsibilities (or lack of concrete ones), etc. Each week it seems that babydaddy is trying out new roles.

There is a sense of mourning and loss of the routines of the past, the ones that had become as comfortable as an old pair of jeans. This comfort of what was, is indeed "broken" according to babyboy, but like all things in life, with brokeness or destructions comes the opportunity to create and grow.

New often means something better, a clean/fresh start, or simply the beginning. "Broken" is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's been good to reflect on yesterday as it relates to today, and look forward to what tomorrow might be.

Babydaddy embraces and mourns the times with babyboy of the past, and look forward to all the many new endeavors that we will individually pursue during our time apart, but babyboy, we're not broken, you're simply growing up and leaving babydaddy in your dust.