Babygirl is a droid

Baby girl is nearing 7 months of life. There's not a whole lot of mind blowing things to blog about. For a girl she's still lacking hair, she's not bald, but it's still pretty thin and trying to grow in ever so slowly. She's sitting up by herself, but the whole idea of crawling isn't really working. I think she may learn how to stand up on her own before she crawls. Babymamma and I have thought she's been teething since 4 months ago. What do we really know, Babygirl was drooling a lot, and always had her fingers in her mouth, needless to say at 7 months, she's still pretty toothless, but has some great gums for dentures if we ever wanted to go that route.

Other than that I have the distinct pleasure of feeding Babygirl some food, usually some kind of pureed veggie and fruit. I try to keep the messiness down, and try to instill some order so there's not a lot of playing with food, so far it's going well, and oh she's eating well too. Of course what goes in must come out, so our days of "clean poop" are long gone. Let's just say things are a bit more messy in every way possible than the good ol' days.

Speaking of the good ol' days, it's almost hard to imagine the little infant I held with one arm that barely moved or cried, is now bigger, bolder, and even cuter. She's really exploring her surroundings, responding more to people, trying to interact with others, developing some autonomy, pretty cool things to be a part of.

Part of all this growing up and reaching developmental milestones is the countdown to actually talking. I keep wondering what the voice of my child will sound like, this for me is more exciting than her running or catching a frisbee. Which leads me to wonder when George Lucas was thinking about what an Ewok and R2-D2 would be like, I wonder if he a little baby in the house. When I think of Babygirl, all rollie pollie, clumsy with her motor skills, but still very cute, that's probably a good way to describe an Ewok no?

Well Babygirl is also reminding me of every one's fav droid. There is nothing decipherable about how R2 communicates with others, it's typically a whirl of high pitched beep, blips, screeches and flat tones that allows R2 to be understood by others. Quite similarly, Babygirl likes to shriek in high pitched tones, grunt and roar like a Simba, and make other noises that put her closer to a droid than human. For now it's cute, and I just play along and make various sounds back. No worries I also talk to her like a human quite often and read with many different English accents. But no where have I read that part of speech development is to sound like R2-D2 before graduating to talk like C-3PO. For now, I continue to enjoy doing my best James Earle Jones impression, "Babygirl, . . .I"m your father."

Swingin' Baby

6 Month Gear Review

Baby Girl turns 6 months old in a couple of days, which also happens to be Baby Mamma and Cornucopian Dad's 3rd wedding anniversary, so yeah for everyone! Since I can't seem to manage a proper blog (one that updates at least once a day), instead of writing anything witty or cute, I have decided to write about something near and dear to me . . . . . .gear!

So there's no particular order or ranking to the gear, but I tried to include as many helpful links as possible, maybe my helpfulness will lead to people leaving comments?!?.

Micralite Toro
What can I say, the various choices, possibilities, and budgets for strollers can be overwhelming. How much do you want to spend? How heavy is it? How maneuverable is it? What kind of accessories and colors does it come in? Will it fit in doorways? Will I be able to put it in my trunk, or do I need to upgrade to a Minivan now!?!

Of all the criteria for strollers, I think the one that gets neglected is, "What does Baby Girl want?" Is it possible that not all strollers are comfortable to every child? I can't say that Baby Girl went to fancy baby store and said, "Daddy, I like the Toro, because of it's clean design and its practical for mamma." Baby Girl did go try out this stroller and other ones that made the short list, and she didn't seem to fuss too much btwn the various choices.

The Toro is great, it's light, it's sturdy, and it's compact. It's got 12" air filled wheels in the back to hop those curbs, and eat those brick sidewalks. This stroller is smooth, I don't know if it's the wheels, the bearings, but its very effortless to push, and it's probably just a smooth of a ride/push as the baby jogger(see below). There aren't too many bells and whistles on this pram (no cup holders, telescoping handles, trays, etc.) There's a more than easy and effective brake for the stroller, multiple reclining positions, and great deal of ingenuity in how the stroller opens/closes and collapses. I think I remember reading that the Micralite was the love child of golf caddy company or people who designed them, hence the similar mechanism in opening/closing, etc.

This was a great buy for us for many reasons. I imagine it would have been a bit cheaper had it not been made in the UK and imported, but its still cheaper than some of it's counterparts, and comparable in price to others in the same range. It's definitely under 20lbs, it's compact, and dreamy to push. Baby mamma gets mad compliments from people about how cool our stroller is, and Baby Girl couldn't be any happier.

Graco Snap N Go
What's not to love about this, it's light, it's functional, and it's cheap! If people want to go out and buy a fancy bassinet stroller, that's great for them, but if you don't have a car, you're going to have to get a car seat so you might as well use the carseat as part of the stroller.

Baby mamma had no problems with this simplistic stroller. It even had plenty of undercarriage storage to help haul grocery, diaper bag, etc. The adjustable handle bar and cup holder are great too(if you're into such things). You can even lock of the front swivel wheels and go for a very lite jog on very smooth roads in sub-division (the joys of visiting the grandparents). Did I mention that we bought ours "gently used" on craigslist for cheap!

Red Castle Infant Carrier
If you haven't figured it out, I'm not one to play by the rules and trends, and like to be different. Baby Mamma says it because I'm and We're both first borns. Anyways, I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing Baby Bjorns. I'm surprised Baby Bjorn parents are not the swing demographic( ie, Nascar dad's, soccer mom's, etc.) in this year's election.

When I first saw this carrier, it made all the sense in the world. Waist strap? Why that makes perfectly good sense in carrying a load. Why would any parent subject themselves to carrying the weight of their child all in their back or shoulders? Every backpacker knows that the key to carrying a big pack is being able to distribute the weight to your waist or more specifically your hips. Shoulder straps are more about balancing the weight, and less about bearing the weight.

So back to the infant carrier, this one stood out, we liked the multiple positions that Baby Girl could transition into as she got older, and has enjoyed just about every position out there. Yes there's straps to adjust and it can look complicated, but all in all, they're all there for all the necessary adjustments to make things comfortable for the parent, and keep the child secure. Be leery of infant carriers that don't offer ways to adjust for differentpositions, body types, etc. Baby mamma is 4'11" and I'm 5'10" and we're both able to use this very comfortable.

Baby Jogger
I couldn't help but get a Baby Jogger, so I could go jogging/running with Baby Girl. Of course I couldn't justify getting a brand new one. So I found one on craigslist that got minimal use. Yes there had been some major design improvements than model I own, but it's still very functional, and most importantly it had 3 16" bicycle wheels. If you're going to be jogging/running, you want at the very least 16" wheels, 20's if you're going to be running 5 miles+.

Baby Jogger, known for making great jog strollers due to their very smooth push/roll and how straight the stroller goes even with just one hand on the handlebar. Don't settle for smaller wheels, or other brands that may look just as nice, but may not be as fun/easy to run with. Joggingstroller.com is a great resource for what works, and what's available, and has a great community of reviewers who run and like their strollers.

Aquarium
Not sure if Baby Girl would have ever fallen asleep without this one. You would think after 160 some odd nights of listening to the the same songs she would get sick of this, but she loves it(glad we got this at the baby shower without even having to register for it, thanks friends!). Baby Mamma and I would also perk up in glee during the evening when the aquarium would just magically be turned on. The verdict is still out if Baby Girl the fitful sleeper she is, turns it on inadvertently, or would wake up, and hit the button for the soothing glow of the aquarium and now familiar tunes to send her back to dreamland. Whatever the case may be, we like it, she likes it, and there's even a remote so that you can turn on the aquarium all stealth without the baby seeing you (we like making eye contact with Baby Girl, but sometimes that might lead to "I want to play, I want to eat, or everything else that's not appropriate for 3am"). Obviously this was a feature that was more useful when she didn't know how to turn it on herself :)

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring

my apologies in not posting regularly or not regularly enough!

Spring, last year, this was a hectic time for Mamma and Daddy. We spent the latter parts of Winter and into Spring going to open houses and looking for a place that we could hang our hats and write all over the walls, with no fears of losing our security deposit. Going into Spring was exciting as the weather gave away, and snow was melting, and yes we finally found a place that we loved.

Spring was full of many firsts such as working with not so hard working real estate agent, borrowing large sums of money that we may or may not be able to pay back, hiring a moving company, and living in a new place that had a bathroom for Daddy and Mommy. Spring is also when the miracle of conception occurred too. Let's just say getting Mommy knocked up wasn't necessarily planned for Spring, but we didn't mind at all either :P

Although as dad's can be, Daddy began to be all concerned about how we're going to afford private school for you, all the cool toys that we never got, as well as how to avoid foreclosure, cuz babies aren't cheap, ya know? Spring was a time of much celebration, many answered prayers, and many blessings.

Summer, I wish I could say was full of great trips to the beach, and enjoying our new home. Daddy took a pay cut, at work, not because he's a bad worker, but more there was a "restructuring" of how people got paid for their work. Needless to say the income that Daddy was projecting to make for the year came to a crashing halt with the limit of not being able to make much more in the near future.

Thankfully the Summer was not overly oppressive, minus the heat waves that would come by. We entertained a few of Mommy and Daddy's friends where they officially could stay in the guest room, vs on the futon in the living room of our small apartment. We felt so grown up with our nice appliances and counter tops, as well as Mommy's interest in decorating and painting.

Summer was also a time mommy and daddy celebrated their 2nd wedding anniversary, with a nice day trip just a ferry ride away. We also became equally nervous and excited as the summer was coming to a close, how we would soon be able to meet you, as well as begin to alert the world of your developing presence in mamma's body.

Fall brought on many new changes for Daddy and Mommy. Mommy was really getting into the thick of things at work, and was getting more familiar and comfortable with her writing job. Daddy on the other hand was experiencing various challenges with job(s). Daddy took on more responsibilities at the clinic, which required more mtgs, and less direct time with clients. Daddy also signed a contract to join a private practice. Also in haste and uncertainty with our financial situation, Daddy also accepted a job at a local ER, covering on call over night shifts for any emergencies.

Again Fall was a time of much change and excitement. Another season of fervent prayer, and blessings in securing 2 jobs to make up the difference in Daddy's pay cut, and to help out when you were a real person in our lives. Fall was also when we first got to see you inside of Mommy, and also when Mommy was becoming noticeably pregnant.

Winter was all about taking things in strides. Mamma was growing uncomfortable as well as had difficulty with the various adjustment to being tired, hungry, emotional, etc. (of course not in that or any order). Winter also brought on the holidays which was celebrated with Daddy's side of the family visiting with us for almost a week, all of which we just took in stride.

Winter was also was a time of adventures such as Mamma's commute from hell, as well as precarious winter bike commuting by Daddy. Daddy would be lying if we weren't full of anxiety and worries for the future of this family, but again we stayed in stride, and just took everything on day at a time. And of course, our most exciting adventure of all, your arrival.

And here we are, back to Spring again, the thawing of winter allowed us to take you out in the strollers through our neighborhood. At this point, Mamma and Daddy we're about to throw in the towel on the lack of sleep we were getting, but we turned the corner, you started sleeping more, your personality started to shine through, as a family we survived the back to back to back visits of all 3 sets of grandparents, and you were just our very own bundle of joy to love, caress, kiss, take care, and sing to.

while summer is officially here, we expect many more adventures, prayers, and many more blessings with our life spent with you this season, and for many more.

Just a Blur

Its been about 4 weeks since my last post. You would think things were pretty boring at home, and daddy just forgot about you. Quite the contrary, for the first time I was overwhelmed with guilt because I was not going to be able to spend significant time with you. Of course as the adult I want to place the blame on you babygirl, but really it's partly my fault as well as the adjustment with you growing up. Let me explain.

In the last month, you have been quite the joy- facially animated, physically active, and just a sweet baby. Another big thing that's occurred in the last four weeks is the fact that mamma and daddy are sleeping a lot more these days, simply because you're sleeping a lot more. Another part of growing up is that you don't need to be consoled to go back to sleep anymore. Long gone are the days when daddy would rock you to sleep on the rocker, or the nights I would find songs to sing to you.

These days you're as consistent as Amtrak, not always on time, but we have a rough idea when you'll be going to your dreamworld, or alerting us with distinct cries that you're arriving back to an awakened reality. Mamma's putting you down around 7ish and you may or may not wake up within the next hour or so, just to let us know that your pacifier has fallen out or your music has stopped, and you want it back on. Typically after this, you'll wake up around in an hour's window btwn 1-2am, for a feeding and diaper change. After this you're usually asleep til 6-7:30am. If you're lucky, you're awake at 6-6:30am where you'll get propped away from the TV, but totally in view of daddy doing yoga. You particularly like when I'm doing moves like Sun Moon- lots of stretching and swinging of arms while breathing slowly.

Since you're going to bed at 7pm these days, that really limits my time with you these days. Sometimes I'll be home after 6pm, so then my time is pretty limited. Other times I'm off at my other office and don't get home well past your initial bedtime. Daddy tries to play ultimate one night a week, but by the time daddy get homes, you're sleeping peacefully. Wknds can be tough too, since daddy spend a considerable amount of Sundays at the office, and Sat can be full of church activities or catching up with other friends.

Am I turning into daddy's parents who were immigrants who had to work long and hard for everything daddy got? Not sure how to answer this question, but I do feel guilty that some days I may not get to spend significant amount of time with you for a stretch of 2-3 days. Of course as you continue to grow and get older, you won't require as much sleep, but that's many years away, and hopefully I will not have to continue to work and feel this way about my time with you for years.

The most important thing is that mamma is with you, she loves being home with you, and she's so grateful that she can be there with you. Of course if the roles were reversed daddy would have no problems with it either, but the reality is that daddy has to work a lot. I'm still figuring out this whole fathering thing, and hope that I will find and strike a better balance btwn work and play time with you.

I miss ya babygirl.

*You're more than just a blur in my eyes*

Updates to babygirl

Babygirl, you're one day shy of being a dozen weeks old!

This past wknd being Patriots Day here in Boston, as well as Marathon Monday, daddy had a long wknd, and a long wknd it was spending with you. There was many moments of quality time all wknd long. I'm even beginning to think that you're even liking me a little bit more than the previous weeks. You're able to endure long periods of me holding you, and just hanging out with you, all this is evident by your smiles, new noises, and the sounds of premature laughs/giggles.

Some of the things you've enjoyed is daddy beatboxing, choreographing movements for various songs he sings, or general infant calisthenics to give those joints range of motion. You particularly like fist pumping, bilateral arm swings, and knee bends. We had a nice long walk in the arboretum, where I had you harnessed in the carrier, you slept the whole time, so I guess you liked it.

Mamma has been reading you kiddy books with pictures, while daddy continues to read you updates from Team Slipstream, Sports Illustrated articles, or anything else that daddy likes to read. Since there haven't been any vocal complaints with daddy's selection of readings, I will continue until you get bored and demand colored pictures about koalas, worms, or bears.

If you were wondering, there are less poopy diapers throughout the day, but that just means there's a 50/50 chance that we may have an explosive mess to clean up from time to time. Of course cloth diapering continues to be a big hit with your butt- no rash, and no complaints. Hopefully we'll have you in underoos in no time.

Yesterday daddy was able to get away and play some ultimate! I've been itching to play shortly after you were born. It was good to get out there, and scrimmage against a team that I was familiar with. Of course the team that I picked up was not so familiar to me, but it was good times. Like I told mamma, "expect cuts and blood," and of course I didn't disappoint. One left handed layout attempt at a pass that looked like it was for me, but wasn't, led to scrapes on the elbow, hip, and knee area, and minimal blood. As for first time playing and throwing since the fall, I felt pretty good. Had some good throws, no dropped passes, no stupid throws, and holstered the hucks. I also had one lucky D, where I jumped in front of my defender with my back towards the disc, and able to knock the flight of the disc away from my opponent, and negated the other teams attempt to score, yeah daddy!

Other than that, daddy's been able to run at least 2 times a week for the past 3 weeks, and that's been feeling great. Not feeling entirely fast, but hoping to get back some speed, lose some this slowly growing gut. I've also started doing yoga workouts from the DVR, pretty good way to start the morning while you're asleep of course. So now that you're older, daddy's been a bit more active, and even mamma's getting the itch to get away from strollering, and get back to rock climbing and what not.

You've been a joy so far, and you're doing some cool things these days, I hope that I can just keep up with you and catch them along the way!

large coinslot?

You might be wondering what does coinslot have to do with being a dad? Well it has to do with everything in the end.

Let me first back up this truck for just a quick minute. If your babymamma and you used to fight about not putting the dishes away, after lil baby arrives, most likely babymamma and you will have a fight at some point for not putting away baby's clothes, toys, etc. If you're a dad like me who has developed all these neurotic and OCD like ways of accomplishing tasks/chores/activities, and you expect others to learn and fully embrace the "daddy way," you might be the same way when it comes to taking care of your baby.

If one has all these neurotic ways of doing things, of course any other way than the "daddy way" is always going to seem so silly, naive, or futile to me. For instance this babydaddy likes to fill the car up with gas when there's 1/4 tank left, why would one delay the inevitable any longer? Ask me how many times I've been caught with no gas in the tank? That's right, never, and I intend to keep it that way. Of course it would just blow my neurotic mind if babymamma would ever let the refueling process go until the warning light went on (Just to set the record, babymamma has always been diligent at keeping the car gassed up). The point is that I have accumulated a whole mess of ways of doing things, and of course this has translated to being a dad as well.

As I've mentioned before, we've been cloth diapering baby girl. Of course since the start of diapering, there have been a series of the "daddy way" of diapering. Such as, since babygirl's first days of life at the hospital, I just assumed that I wouldn't want some strange man undiapering me, an wiping my butt with a wet washcloth. So being the empathic human-being that I am, I would give babygirl a sign, I would give babygirl a warning wipe off to the side of her butt, just to let her know that daddy is about to plunge into the nooks and crannies of her girl parts for a cleaning with something wet. Of course this continued as we came home, and started using wipes (being the practical parents that babymamma and I are, we opted not to get a babywipe warmer) I would continue to give her the cold warning wipe to the side to let babygirl know how cold this wipe was going to be, and she could brace herself for the unpleasantness of someone wiping her bottom.

One of the biggest things that I've made sure in cloth diapering, was the position and the tautness of the diaper. As I've mentioned before I liken changing a diaper to a full service pitstop for a NASCAR driver, there's a need for organized speed, and crucial elements that need to be taken care of. From day one, I've always wanted a taut diaper for my babygirl, cuz that's what this daddy thought was best for babygirl. The thought of poopy pants, explosive poops that blow through diapers, or God forbid a poopy bed sheet in the middle of the night seemed like things I would not like to experience, and completely avoidable.

To counter my poopy nightmares, I figured the "daddy way" is going to be all about a taut diaper that will contain all runny fecal matter where it's suppose to be. Of course the reality of keeping poop in the diaper and diaper cover is tougher than all the precautionary steps one dad can take, but I like to think "daddy's way" is still pretty good. On the other hand, diapers that babymamma places on babygirl, have led to some uncontained explosions. Of course there is no scientific proof of this or any way of confirming this, but this is what I like to think. (not that I'm hating on my babymamma, I love her dearly!)

As babygirl is currently in the 90th percentile in length, positioning of the diaper is important. I understand that sometimes babygirl is fussin' during a change, or that babymamma's tired, but sometimes babygirl's diaper is just sagging like a straight up thug when I go to change her. Of course babymamma would say that this occurs because babygirl is squirmy, active, and cuz the shear amount of pee and poop in the diaper has weighed down the diaper. I like to think "daddy's way" of proper positioning and tautness would have avoided such things.

Now bringing it back to coinslot here. Not sure if babygirl's is just long or large(however you want to look at it) due to her 90th percentile in length but, the "daddy way" is all about covering every bit of coinslot when he's diapering. This may mean that our babygirl looks like the Steve Urkel of babies, with her diaper hiked up way high, but when I go to change that poopy diaper, ya know what, all that runny poop is where it's suppose to be- all up in the coinslot, and in the diaper.

Long story short, or at this point, to make an already long story from getting any longer, the "daddy way" of diapering is: 1) Making sure that babygir's diaper is covering all of her coinslot 2) Taut enough around the waist to prevent any sagging 3) Covering every bit of cloth with the diaper cover to prevent any leaks. Of course this being the "daddy way," it's not babymamma's way all the time, and of course this become a point of contention. Ain't no blows being traded, nor at this point I wouldn't even call them fights, but it's one of those things when I'm changing a diaper, I shake my head and think, this is definitely not the "daddy way."

And for this reason, I may have in the past said something to babymamma about diapering the "daddy way" and then a verbal exchange would ensue. Which of course is why I like to warn all the dad's to be, whatever that it is that allows for unpleasant discussions to occur at loud or low volumes, those patterns and themes of why those happen will only be carried into when this baby arrives. Sure it's all sweet and sugar plums to have your own progeny in the flesh living at your place, but the same relationship struggles just mutate into baby related things.

Here's to all the dad's to be, good luck!

9.5 weeks going on 13 years old

So Wed with daddy #4 went a bit better baby. You and I went to my friend's house who recently gave birth to a little girl just like you, except she had a little peanut head and generally just a bigger baby than she was. Daddy's friend also had a 3 y/o son who liked to talk and talk and talk. I think you weren't used to all this extra noise. On top of that daddy's friend also had her mother there, and she just kind of liked to talk and had something to say about everything.

You didn't embarrass Daddy too much, other than you did go into a mild crying fit, but luckily it didn't take too much to console you and get you napping in a swing. If it's any consolation, Daddy also wanted to cry since he wasn't used to so much talking from a little boy, all he wanted to talk about was how the pinwheel went around and around.

So I don't think you hate me as much as you did last week. Although when I hold you with our faces facing each other, you still fuss and cry. You don't like to be cradled by me. Basically I have to just face you outward, so you can just be ignorant about who's really holding you, I guess basically if it's not Mamma, you're unhappy, and you'll let people know about it.

You were able to eat/drink better this week, since my newly discovered trick of wrapping up your bottle in the burp cloth. Who knows why you'll only take a bottle like this for me, but when Mamma offers you a bottle, it's all good. Maybe only seeing a clear nipple, and having the bottle hidden away is sort of like Mamma's boobs?!? Still trying to figure it out baby. So I'm not feeling the hate as much as I did last week, but Daddy still loves you.

Looks like the weather is going to be nice on my last wed with you. Of course the new babysitter will also be checking in with us but perhaps we can do some fun things like get on the T, and walk around, get lost, and explore. :)

Happy Baby



Baby and the Boy who likes to talk

2 Months Going on Sixteen. . .

Is it possible that baby girl hates me already? Yesterday was "Wed with Daddy #3." Wed #2 was a wash, literally. The weather was rainy, and cold, so we got stuck indoors. Needless to say there weren't too many photo opportunities. All in all it went well.

This past week, baby girl has been a terror with me. It may or may not have anything to do with serving her a bottle with maybe a bit too warm mamma's milk which may or may not have burned her mouth. Even before this hasty hot feed, baby girl was not wanting to be consoled by me, or better yet I was not able to give her a sense of security and calm like mamma.

It's been difficult these days since her tear ducts are in full working order. Those big teary eyes eventually lead to big tear drops. It breaks my heart each time I see her cry, knowing that I am unable to really help her, or she doesn't want my help. The esteem of being a father has been an all time these days with baby girl not even like making eye contact with me nor does she like to be held by me. She prefers non face to face type of hold- like over the shoulder, where she looks towards my back, or she prefers to be held so that she can look out and avoid having an engaging moment with pappa. Mamma on the other hand can just snug her really tight up to her face when she's crying and instantly she's laughing and smiling.

I already feel guilty about working so much and not being able to spend as much time as I would like with my baby girl, but there was a time when I could console her instantly, there was a time when we could hang out. Theses days I'm begining to think she already hates me.

Yesterday, Wed #3, baby girl screamed and cried at the top of her little lungs, get all red in the face, pump her fists in rage, and then after some prolonged time she would get exhausted and pass out for about an hour. On top of all this, she refused all pacifiers, as well as milk. We were at an all time low for diaper changes due to lack of fluids. What's a dad to do? Eventually daddy got smart and wrapped up the bottle in a burp cloth, so that there was this new magical nipple thing that had milk in it, instead of this bottle that scared her or made her upset. I've yet to read in any book, that there may be a time when you have to hide the physical presence of a bottle cuz it doesn't look like mamma's boobs.

So that's the story, not a pretty one, not a fun one, but it's been rough. All in all this is my baby, I don't hate her, nor am I angry, I'm just wondering, where's da love?

At least this morning was a nice moment with her, smiles, laughs and a successful feeding via covered bottle. Each day is a new day, and hopefully each week is better than the one before.

Happy 8 weeks old, baby girl!

Can't Stop Til You Get Enough!

Caffeine, ". . .is arguably the most robust form of drug self-administration known to man." It is this widely available drug that is keeping me from falling over sideways while riding my bike, or falling asleep on my clients.

After 4 weeks of sleeping for approx 100-120 minutes and then waking up for 5-40 mins, and then sleeping for 100-120 minutes, and repeating this 4 times a night, my body is spent.

Babymamma is not not snoring anymore and waking me up every night, nor do I have sleep apnea. The sleep deprivation that I've gone through the last month has been hitting me hard.

I've always been a 1 cup (ok it's a large 16oz mug) of green tea kind of guy during the work days. I wouldn't say I was addicted to caffeine, but I just enjoyed the slow release of caffeine that was laced into my day. On mornings of emergency, I'll admit I would drink that awful black sludge at work with a packet of hot chocolate to make it tolerable (poor man's cafe mocha).

These past 2-3 weeks have been 160z green tea in the morning, and another "cup" in the afternoon around 2pm. On my early morning meetings day which only happen once a month, I treat myself to 160z Peet's Coffee, splash of milk, and 1 sweet and low. On really tired days when I'm dragging and not feeling the tea, I'll get a sugar free Red Bull and call it a day, I'm good til the evening. Typically when I've drank Red Bull, I would be wired and get the caffeine shakes, and pee every 15mins. These days the afternoon Red Bull is nothing but a smooth delivery of caffeine with no real ill effects like the shakes, caffeine headaches, nor does "it give me wings," I guess this only affirms how tired I am on any given afternoon.

While Red Bull is not something I like to indulge in daily, nor does baby want me to spend all her college money on a $2 can of Caffeine, frugal daddy decided to try(or plan to try) some other caffeinated beverages. Mountain Dew is so something I OD'ed on in high school, so I don't wish to regress to liquid yellow. So it's on to fancy new products like:

1. Propel Invigorating Water: Good flavor, 2omg of the big C, and it's a non-carbonated beverage. While I found the caffeine delivery to be fast and sudden, it did give me a quick jolt, and got the shakes. Als,o since I was drinking water+diuretic (caffeine) I was heavily hydrated and thought I was going to wet my pants today like my baby.

2. Owater infused w/caffeine: Another non carbonated water drink with flavor and caffeine. This is probably the next product I'll sample in the next month.

3. Pimp Juice: I hope in the near future I'll get my hands on "the #1 hip hop energy drink." As they say, "its hard out here for pimp," and if it works for Nellly, it can work for this daddy.

The moral of this story is that this dad is tired, and despite catching z's when he can, regardless of how many hours of sleep I actually get, I can't seem to catch up on the sleep that I've lost. Sometimes I think this is really just the beginning of a lifetime of just being tired and having stank coffee breadth for the rest of my baby's 18 years of life.

Save a dad and pick up some caffeine for him in any form that's necessary.

Weds with Daddy

Mamma is away interning today. It's a sweet deal, she get to go into the office 1 day a week, and then the other day she gets to work from home. While she's away, for the next 5 weds, I've decided to hang out with you you, who knows who's going to watch in a month or so, but for now, you're all mine.

Morning went well, mamma fed you and you were out. Which led me to hold you while mamma rediscovered morning routines that involve leaving the house before noon. While you were fast asleep, I got to catch up on some headlines on ESPN.

After your little nap, you tried out a silicone nippled bottle for the first time, what do you think? My guess that it was weird, but it ain't like daddy's got anything better to offer you, so you ate and that was that. I imagine that you missed your mamma's presence because you were just cryin' and crying for no reason. I could have done Cirque du Soleil tricks you still would have thought I was lame. Finally I thought about going back to basics, and tied you to my back. It kept you happy for 20 mins or so, and then that got kind of got boring, and you let me know. At least while you were on my back, I got a start on washing your diapers, cuz ya know what, you only had 2 clean diapers this AM, :(

Somehow, you did manage to nap a bit, and I got to catch up on some news and what not. Somehow I had all these ideas of getting things done, scanning old photos, scrubbing the floors,, little did I know. After another bottle feeding, I got you all dressed up for a walk down the street. Daddy needed to go out, and so as a responsible adult, you came along via stroller. It was raining, but it wasn't too cold.

Not sure if you know this baby, but we live close to some pretty rough looking places. We walked by an old gas station, a bar, oil changing place, several car repair garages, including a cab repair garage, needless to say, daddy pushing the snap n go, was probably quite the sight today. We didn't see no other babies today, or parents out with their kids. Nor did we go to baby friendly places like Babies R Us, or the library. We walked straight to Advance Auto Parts. Daddy had to go buy oil and oil filter so he can change the oil this week. If you were only awake, you would have seen a young Ludacris look alike giving daddy the eye as we backed into the store, stroller and all. I'm sure he wasn't giving us the eye due to the single digit sized rims on the stroller, but more so that he ain't never seen an asian brotha pushing his baby girl into Advance Auto. We got our stuff and we were on our way. Next stop the bank.

We pull up to the ATM, and woman at the ATM was all about verbalizing and commenting on her own life. It's one thing baby when you or I comment on what others are doing, but this woman was all about, "nuh uh, they must be crazy that I'm going to take out that much money. . . . . forget this, they must be crazy." Daddy deposited a check and we took the long way back home. It was still raining a bit, and we got a nice walk in. You continued to sleep despite all the cracks and uneveness on these city sidewalks, but you just kept on sleeping.

Coming back home was good, you continued to sleep a bit, and then you got to eat again. After eating from the bottle once again, there was no stopping the wailing. Reggae wouldn't even console you, bouncing on the yoga ball was of no use, all sorts of different hold and positions were useless too. I think you were just crying out for mamma, who was beyond crying distance for the first time in your life. Needless to say daddy had a rough time trying to find ways to console you. Finally you just fell asleep in my arms. Due to the lack of napping this afternoon, you just slept and slept. Which allowed for daddy to finally take a nap too.

Then mamma came home and took over parental duties, including expelling warm milk straight from the boob. Of course you were all calm and well behaved for her. You even made funny faces and smiled with mamma tonight. Maybe next week, we'll get to smile together :)

What Kind of Dad am I?

While everyday pop psychology says that I"ll be a father just like my own father, or I'll try to do the polar opposite of what my father was like. Of course as a young idealistic dad, who's insightful and in-tune with himself (narcissistic?!?), I like to think I'll be able to bridge the shortcomings of my father and blend my own thoughts of what a 21st century father should be like. Of course this streaming thought of who I am was sparked by this article in the Globe today, The Parent Trap.

Where do my conventions and scripts for 21st century daddy-ing come from? Are there good models out there? I thought I would share a quick and not thoroughly researched (no google searches or in depth interviewing, and more whatever comes to mind first).

Here's what my mom sent to me before baby was even born.
1. Be Prepared, is entertaining, and informative in a basic and practical way, but is this all that entails in being a father. Is this all that pop culture expects from fathers these days? Is this the type of father I want to be. Don't get me wrong it's a great gift and fun book to flip through, but do I want to pimp this out to future dad's?

2. Expectant Father, reads more like one man's desire to add some substance to the literary "How to's" of being a dad. It's lengthy like it's most "How to be a mom" books, but again it's dry, there's forced humor that's plain, "mad corny, yo!" I can't say this book encourages or challenges me to be a cool dad.

3. Alternadad, how cool would it have been if my mom sent me this book. It's been a book that's been received with mixed reviews, from people who think it's a great portrayal of Generation X'ers as parents, to people who probably think it's forced and narrowly focused.

As the Globe article states, there are more ideas of what families are like on TV, but are these portrayals accurate? The article chooses to focus on Black families, and the portrayals of Black dads. Just like all things with the media, where my Asians at? I've noticed a proliferation of Asian actresses these days, but what about the Asian dudes out there? What about Asian families? It's not that difficult for writers to stay within conventions of ethnic stereotypes and give us an Asian dad who's a doctor or lawyer, or good at math. Or similarly, it wouldn't be that difficult to write a about an Asian dad who's working an office, or blue collar job. Maybe in my daughter's generation of writers and media will there be something more than white and black families.

The King of Queens portrays a blue collar husband than dad, but then again how many times have I've really watched this show. Homer Simpson is a highly fictional character that has moments of great fathering moments, but I can do better than someone in 2-D right? I'll have to admit I can only wish I was as cool as the Escalade driving Mac in the Bernie Mac Show. I'll have to say there are some great learning moments because we see Bernie make mistakes, and overreact, and correct them in a 30min episode, but I'm left feeling that what I just saw could be realistic in a similar situation with my daughter. When I watch Will Smith play Chris Gardner in The Pursuit of Happyness, I see a man who cares, and would go to great lengths to protect and pursue the very best for his only son. In the end can I really emulate a man who was single dad raising a son in a shelter?

While I enjoy reading Steve's blog on being a dad, it's simply a blog that offer glimpses of what his experiences are, or more his observations on what living with his daughter is like. I can't say it challenges me in any way, and that's no knock on Steve, but if I'm truly to be a cool, hip, dad who's able to be a breadwinner, have a great relationship with his daughter, and still be the husband that my wife wants to sleep with every night, who will be my guide? Is this even possible or simply idealistic?

I like to think I can be a better dad than Lester in American Beauty, and I think I can be as cadid as Mac McGruff in Juno. Maybe I"ll be a successful dad and family man like John Edwards, he seems to have done a good job in raising his daughter. I guess time will only tell if the various depictions of fatherhood and dads help me more than hurt me. Perhaps it's just inevitable that I"ll just be like my dad, which in the end isn't he worse thing, cuz I'm content with being me.

What are people's thoughts? Are there great models for fatherhood out there, for a generation of 21st century kids we're parents to? Maybe there's a better blog out there someone can point me to?

Random Hysterics

There will be a time when your child may just cry cry cry, and babymamma will pass off the child to you due to being frustrated, annoyed, or simply cuz everyone needs to suffer when a baby is wailing at the top of their little lungs.

Our baby is a pretty good kid, but when she cries, sometimes she just wants to cry it out for a a period of time. It doesn't have to do with the clothes she's wearing, the barometric pressure, whether she's tired or hungry, or even a wet diaper. Swaddle or no swaddle, distracting noises or lovely lullabies, there's nothing that will console or pacify that child.

The only thing that I can think of is the prolonged exposure to new people. Perhaps it's the germs (can't be, everyone Purell's before they touch her), perhaps it's something else. All I can think of is that it must be an overstimulation of senses or attention. Why she doesn't start to cry when she's in the presence of overstimulation is beyond me. Her crying fits always seems to happen when we're trying to put her down to bed, so we can go to bed, but again her fits only occur on days when many people have handled her, or she's been around others for a long period of time other than her parents.

I can only imagine perhaps at the end of the day, she reviews her day and then suddenly realizes all the scary people(non-biological parents) have touched her, held her, or spoke to her in baby talk, etc. Perhaps it's this sudden recall of faces and scents or something freaks out my baby and causes her to cry, cry cry.

One month and counting

Yesterday, or exactly 4 weeks ago baby,you were born. I hope this milestone in your life is a good one for ya. In terms of developmental milestones, you're visually tracking things, you're still obsessed with light fixtures, and if needed, you can scream and cry while using the full capacity of your little lungs. You can also shed tears after prolonged crying :( Just recently you can't seem to take your eyes of mamma, but I guess that's to be expected since you hang out with her so much (I'm secretly jealous).

You're making a range of noises, sometimes like a baby Wookiee, to just grunts of a young girl who knows karate. Sometimes I make a range of noises from scatting to random undulating noises, and my all time favorite, pit noises from a Nascar pitstop (this is truly what daddy thinks when he's changing your diaper at night. Undoing those tiny snaps on your sleeper and onesie, taking off the diaper cover, undoing snappi fastener, put aside dirty diaper with one hand, while the other hand keeps both legs secured and butt off the changing pad, secure proper placement of new diaper, ensure proper and secure fit of snappi fastener, but this point baby you might be squirming, and post cold baby wipe, you're about to start crying. We're in the home stretch here, I may sometimes make tire changing noises while I'm putting on your diaper cover, sometimes fastening the sides together could be a challenge if you're crying, squirming or both. Othertimes the noises seem to distract you, OK, I'll admit it, it's fun to make your own sound effects. If you're really crying mom's awake, quite possible the neighbors are awake, so there's a quick hand off to top you off with mamma's milk., so we can get you back to sleepyland. Haven't timed myself yet, but perhaps one of these days mamma will catch this all on tape.)

Speaking of sounds, I've expanded your musical knowledge by singing you Rockabies from the Beatles, Smashing Pumpkins, the Cure, Led Zepplin, etc. You seem to really like D'yer Mak'er. There's never a dull moment when you hang out with daddy, whether it's reading you the news, magazine articles, giving you the play by play of a bball game on tv, etc.

Back to milestones, baby, you now have a belly button, you're little stump and dried up and fallen off. Mamma discarded it, she had no desire to save it, so blame her. It's hard to say if it's going to be an innie or an outie, but it ain't like I'm going to be buying you navel shirts anytime soon, so no need to get all self conscious about it. Now that the stump is dry, you've been enjoying baths, cuz you've grown up into a real bath tub, so yeah!

The cutest thing you do is still when you're sleeping- the range of expressions, half smiles, more noises, and arm/hand placement is adorable. Some of my favorite arm positions, are the both arms above your head like you're doing the wave, the thinker-one fist tucked underneath your chin, and I think it's cute when you soothe yourself with a finger, side of your hand or your fist.

It's been a great 4 weeks, a bit sleep deprived, and becoming more dependent on caffeine, but I'm loving every moment with you.

Back in the day. . .

Baby, it's been awhile since I've written to you. I just wanted to re-live pappa's glory days. Now daddy was no all state quarterback, or track star, instead he chose obscure sports so that he had a fighting chance to participate and be active.

In H.S. pappa played water polo for 4 years, he was also on the state championship team his senior year. He also swam on the swim team his freshmen year. In College, for some reason he decided to walk on to the swim team, and devote 4 years of his life and many holidays swimming back and forth in a pool. I also discovered ultimate frisbee in college and that was more dynamic than swimming was.

After College I continued to play ultimate frisbee 3 out of 4 seasons each year, started commuting by bike to work, took up rock climbing for a bit, and even trained and participated in 2 sprint triathlons. Of course this is all the major activities, this doesn't include stretching daily that I started in college, occasional to regular running, lifting weights, backpacking/hiking, etc.

Daddy is a man who likes to stay active, sitting at work, being stagnant is not enjoyable, he can feel his muscles going into atrophy from lack of stimulating activity.

Since your arrival, daddy has been pretty inactive. Even couple of months before you arrived, daddy had to stop running due to his first serious knee injury. While stretching, strength based work outs, and commuting by bike is great, he's really missed running in the cold winter mornings, missed going skiing/snowboarding, and is itching to play ultimate frisbee. While all the inactivity you would think daddy blew up like a blimp, but actually the whole birthing process, not sleeping, always running, and hanging out with you has led to actual weight loss, but after 2 straight weeks of nicely cooked meals by your grandma's, daddy's weight is back to normal.

While all the inactivity drives him crazy, it really is a joy to just spend an hour with you in the morning, instead of going out for a run. How daddy will juggle this as you continue to get older is TBD. I did calculate on my bike ride, when you're in your teens, it's possible that we can play on the same ultimate team, boy do I look fwd to that. Until then, I'm loving every non activity related minute and hours that spend with you. Let's just hope daddy doesn't have to start walking to work each day and only eating subway, like Jared.

Reflections on Love

As I have become a father, there have been many new things I’ve learned and many stories about my daughter that I can share. There have been two defining moments in my life that have made me learn new things about my Father. Many people have said the marriage union btwn a man and a woman is as close of an example of the love that our Father has for us. A partner who does not grow tired of waiting, loving, or supporting the other. This unconditional love is reflective of God’s love. Marriage has helped me to understand the unwavering devotion that God has for us, as well as how important Jesus’ grace is to us as Christians.

Another defining moment was the birth of my daughter. Everyday I look fwd to when I can spend time with her. More importantly I know that I get to spend as much time with her really late at night, or really early in the morning, when I wake up to change her diaper, or helping her go back to sleep after a feeding. Those moments, in the quietness of when the world is asleep, my daughter and I are awake, hanging out. Often times we sit in the rocking chair, sometimes I’m too tired to even hold her, but other times I sit and sing for my daughter. In singing sometimes she falls asleep or tries to stay awake to hear the melodies of hymns or church songs.

I’ve realized that only a parent who loves their child would wake up every 2-3 hours to sing to their child for 20mins to fall back asleep. Sometimes I think about the future when my daughter will cause me some pain or worry, but my love for her will never change. There may be moments in life when my daughter will claim to hate me, but my love will remain the same. I’ve also realized that regardless of how much my daughter says “I love you,” it will never equal the love that I have for my daughter.

How is it that I can love someone that I don’t even know, or someone who can’t express their love for me. It goes beyond logical reasoning that I would have utmost devotion to someone that may or may not love me back to the same degree. It is these thoughts that have made me realize and understand the true and exact love that my parents had and have for me when I was a child and as an adult. It is also how I’ve continued to learn about how God loves me.

Like my daughter, it is unlikely that my love for God will equal the love that God has extended to me. God sent his only son to live and die for me. God looks fwd to the time we spend with him. God’s love and grace for us only becomes more tangible to me as I begun to spend time with my daughter. The biggest difference as it says in Jeremiah 1:5 is, God knows us even before we’re born. Even though my daughter may know my voice, she doesn’t know me, and I don’t know her. The love I have for my daughter a complete stranger, who has lived with me for 2 weeks runs deep, how much deeper does the love of our Father run if he knew us before we were even born, before we began to pray, before we devoted our lives to him? The amount of love and grace that God extends to us becomes incomprehensible to human thought.

What a great and loving father we have in Heaven. What a delight it is for God to hear us sing and talk to him. What a delight it is for God to see his children in his house today. The idea of God’s unwavering and never ending love is basic, but also very complex. It has taken many life changing events for me to further understand this love. It is my hope that God will reveal the depth of his love to us in a very personal way before we spend an eternity in heaven learning more about God’s love.

Technique

The intricacies of fatherhood is comprised of many things, unfortunately being a dad for a week has not enlightened me to too many of the secrets at this time. But I will share these various techniques that has made me a better father to my daughter.

1. Swaddling- It's important to learn how to swaddle so that the baby feels safe and secure, in a tight fashion, just like when they lived inside of mamma. Sometimes baby get startled by their own involuntary movements. Like when I'm dreaming about playing ultimate, I may extend my arm out for a bid, and hit my wife, but that's another story. Not sure what babies are dreaming about, but they squirm just as much as we do in our sleep, except it's weird for them. When things are weird, babies tend to freak out, and then start crying. If a baby starts crying before they wet or poop in their diaper, or before a scheduled feeding time, this is going to make any dad or mom unhappy in the middle of the night. So it's best to swaddle, so how do you do it?

Take blanket, (preferably cotton or fleece like material, no silk or something slippery like) and lay it on a flat surface, but lay it down with a corner pointed at your crotch, you don't want one of the sides of the blanket in front of a crotch. The corner in front and opposite of your crotch should be folded down about into the center of the blanket about 6 inches or so, basically not quite halfway into the blanket and more 1/3 to 1/4. Since I couldn't find and visuals, let's repeat here. At this point, the 4 cornered rectangular blanket will not only have 3 corners and the top corner will be folded into itself to have a flat edge.

On this fold (flat edge) is where you'll place your baby's head (face up, of course). You'll have to experiment if that means the whole head, half head, or base of the head, etc.

Now you take the left corner for your righties and fold it over the front of thebaby's body. There should be enough blanket that it will go across the front of the baby's body and then still have enough material to tuck it under the baby's body. If there's too much slack, just reposition the baby and start all over. If your baby is young or tends to scratch at its face, it may be more beneficial to have it's right are down by the baby's side before folding the left corner over the baby's body. If your baby likes to suck it's fist or fingers, and you don't mind, then place both of its hands near its face when swaddling.

Next you take the lower corner of the blanket (one closest to crotch) and bring that up towards the baby's left shoulder and tuck that corner underneath the shoulder. The important thing to remember is that both feet are secured and will not poke out if it kicks or squirms. So if this isn't possible, you may have to start all over and reposition in a fashion that you have enough blanket below the baby's feet.

Rounding third, heading for home now, you take the final corner on the right hand side and bring that over the baby's body, making sure it's snug, and securing the the previous folds from slipping out, and tucking the excess material underneath the baby's body. Also, you'll want arm placement consistency here, either at its side or near the face. Again it's important that the feet are secured in this fold. The baby's own weight will keep the baby from un-doing all your hard work.

One of the most common mistake is to loosely swaddle which is a waste of time, because the baby will eventual fun in a short amount of time. Of course no swaddle is impervious to getting loose, but the more snug it is, the better the swaddle, and longer the baby and you may get to sleep. Also another common problem is the baby's ability to kick through the swaddle, so it's important to have the folds that go across the leg to be snug and have enough blanket to keep them secure.


2. Cloth Diapering/disposable diaper changing- the key here men is speed. Isn't all things measured by how fast we do things? Like most things, we don't want to fall into "haste makes waste." The trick is to be Navy Seal like, fast and efficient. Also like the military you want to be prepared for the battle before you're wrist deep in doo doo. So like a good surgeon or NASCAR pit crew, you'll want to lay out all the things you will need before you take off a diaper.
Things one will need:

1. Appropriate changing surface
2. anti-bacterial gel
3. new diaper
4. moist wash cloth/baby wipes
5. place to dispose diaper
6. post diaper changing plan
7. misc items

First you'll need to find an appropriate changing surface, whether it's a changing pad on the floor, changing table, in the crib, etc.

Next you'll want to practice good hygiene as you'll be in contact with baby's delicate genitalia, so slather on that anti bacterial gel, or wash your hands with soap.

New diaper-whether cloth or disposable, you'll want to have a steady supply of them. Before even removing the diaper, you'll want to have new one laid out-flat, with all the adhesives ready to stick, etc. If you're cloth diapering, it's all the same, except you'll also want the option for a new cover in case it's stained or wet.

Undo the dirty diaper, if it's just pee, great, cuz it's going to be easy breezy. If it's poo, take the clean part of the diaper and wipe down (front to back) the poop. More poop in the diaper less chance that it'll get on your hands and more efficient use of diaper wipes or wash cloth.

Once baby's been wiped with the diaper, grab both or one leg of the baby, kind of like your going to hog tie a calf, and raise baby's butt of the diaper. Pull dirty diaper away, and set aside for disposal. While holding onto the baby's legs, and butt off the changing surface, take baby wifes/moist cloth and wipe down baby front to back. Don't want to go back to front and have poop or debris near baby's genitalia.

Now that baby is poop free and clean, take new diaper and slide it underneath the baby. Lower baby's butt on diaper and reposition if necessary. Now if this is a newborn and the poop is that paste like black stuff, you'll want to put some vaseline on the diaper, so that you can smear the vaseline on the baby's butt, genitalia, legs, etc. This is to prevent that black stuff from getting caked on the skin and easier clean up. Now close up the diaper and you're all set.

Now we're back to swaddling the baby if that's the post diaper change plan or hand of clean diapered baby to someone, or whatever. If baby is diapered, now you go back to disposing of the dirty diaper, and whatever clean up.

If you're cloth diapering, I've found that the flying angel wing technique good, also using the snappi fasteners has also made cloth diapering neater, in that there hasn't been any leaks of any kinds.

3. Consoling- Dads need to have a good repertoire of ways to console a crying baby or fussy baby. When mamma is frustrated or too tired to deal with crying baby, guess who's on deck to help out- you are. So have a good list of things that your baby is going to like including, singing, dancing, reading, rocking in the glider, multiple ways to hold/position the baby, different music (preferably one with a good distinct beat like reggae or something), changing diapers, swaddling, going for a walk, bouncing seats, swings, etc.

I'm sure there are many more techniques out there that dads need, but these are my top 3 for the moment.

Home, Sweet, Home

Baby, I forgot to mention that we did give you a cool name, but for privacy purposes, you'll continue to be referred to as Baby.

It's been nearly 30ish hours since mamma and I brought you home. I'll have to say waiting for the pediatrician to give you the final look over physical and critique mamma on correct alignment of teet to your mouth was excruciatingly long. Probably more than the previous 4 days with you, I was overcome with dread and fear the day we left the hospital. Not that the we left you in the care of nurses the whole time, or you slept in the nursery every night. Mamma and I hae been in action, playing the role of caretakers to ya, but something about leaving the safe confines of the fancy hospital made it oh so real, and scary.

Mamma had some good insights, it's going to be tough not having a new nurse every 8-12 hours who comes and tells us how you cute you are, and how superficially we feel proud of you, but really those surface level parental ego boosters only solidify, yes how cute you are, but also how could we not be good parents to you.

So while it's been quiet here at home, mamma and I have been busy, getting the cloth diaper system working, as well as just getting all the last minute things ready for mamma and your need. Most importantly I worry that mamma is eating enough and eating healthy foods. As well as resting enough to recuperate from her surgery.

I dread going back to work, realizing that, yes each day is a new day, and each day for you is a milestone that we will not be able to re-visit. So the thought of going into work even for a couple of hours seems like I may be missing so much, just imagine in a couple of months when there's walking and talking involved. Even since you've come home, you've been adjusting well to just mamma and I, and our condo.

You appear to be sleeping more that mamma's milk is freely flowing, and we hope that you get back to your birth weight. You also seem to need less soothing- I haven't had to sing you a song, nor use the pacifier. In the end you really are growing up each day, and you're doing it all by yourself. That alone seems so amazing and bring tears to my eyes, knowing that this is only the beginning of many sentimental moments in our lifetime together.

Going back to you Baby, you seem to like your makeshift bassinet in the pack and play, you also seem to like the lighting in our house, and generally the ceiling is of particular interest to you. You also like it when mamma reads you books, and you don't even seem to mind diaper changes anymore. Like I said, you're growing up so nicely, and it's almost happening too fast for this dad.

Things they don't tell you to pack

So dad's, your babymamma is going to get all psycho about packing a suitcase of things they may or may not need when they go to the hospital to delivery. Just remind them all they really need is some good slippers, and some comfy clothes to wear out of the hospital.

Here are some things that the books don't tell you to bring.
1. Toilet paper- yes you would assume that "fancy hospital" that's well endowed research and teaching facility would be able the cover your ass and there's, but when it comes to good ol TP, let's just say they're using the single ply, melts in your hands if you have sweaty palm type of TP. To avoid bloody ass, I suggest bringing a roll or two of the good stuff.

2. Dad's dress in layers, the HVAC systems in large buildings are not to be trusted. A hoody, comfy pants, a nice hat, bandanna, headband, vest, bring it all. You won't regret it.

3. Mamma will be supplied her own drinking mug, but not daddy. She will also be supplied with food at no charge, but not daddy. So bring your own nalgene and a mug for coffee or tea. Save a paper cup and bring a reusable mug.

4. Don't even bother to bring books, cuz one doesn't really have the attention span to read post delivery. Although if there's no contractions and you're laid up in the hospital with the wife, bring a book, bring your laptop (hopefully there's wifi), bring some dvd's and chillax while you've taken the day off from work.

5. chapstick, again the HVAC can be bad, which means the humidity can be all screwy which mean chapped lips, parched mouths in the AM, and dry nasal passages. small humidifier could be nice for the really ambitious.

6. Electronic gadgets and their chargers -MP3 player, digital camera, cellphones, bluetooth headsets, PSP, etc.

7. As for things for the baby, maybe their own newborn hat instead of standard hospital issued hat. Although most of the standard hospital stuff is great cuz there's an abundance of it, it's free, and you don't have to wash it.

8. Lastly, Bring your A game for support, empathy, and advocating in the best interest of a happy babymamma, and for many hero pts for you.

The rest of the story

Well my last post was on 01.31.08 at 11am. gosh hard to imagine all the moments and stories that occurred that day but here's the quick scoop.

As already mentioned, pitocin and epidural was on board, things were progressing. Midwife really worked with mamma to let her be in control of things, limit "lady land" exams and just let nature do what it knows best.

Well around 3pm it was determined the cervix was fully effaced and fully dilated to 10cm. Midwife continued to let mamma be in control of things and see if contractions would continue to get stronger. I believe sometime in the afternoon mamma was given more meds to decrease the back labor pains she was experiencing.

By 6pm, it was determined, lets start pushing. So mamma opened wide, and began to bear down, grunt and push, and boy she was pushing. The nurse was impressed with her strength as well as the midwife, but there was no crowning.

Baby, you must have been very happy and warm in the womb. Ya you were a week late, but also you had no intentions of really coming out despite pooping up in mamma, and risking great infections since all that water broke.

After 2 hours of hard pushing, it was determined that mamma had to consider options. Mamma determined to go with vacuum assisted delivery. So the important white MD's came in. Yamaka doctor was important white dude #1, and went in for the reach to see if there was any movement in the head during a push to determine if vacuum would work. Yamaka doc said it ain't moving and it ain't going to work. At this point, mamma also became violently ill while puking up lots of fluids- orange gatorade, water, etc. At that point her temp was 108 degrees, which basically meant she could have a fever due to an infection or something, which also meant baby could be at risk.

So at that point, mamma and White MD's decided C-section was the way. Mamma was rolled out to the OR, while I got to wear full scrubs and wait in the OR hallway like I was in trouble with the Principal. At that point baby, my head was flooded with thoughts of what you would look like, if there would be any complications with mamma getting her stomach cut open, etc. etc. It was all to surreal.

Finally, I was let into the OR, and there mamma was with the mask on, and splayed out in crucifix style- arms out to the side, and curtain divider up so that mamma couldn't see her inards being rearranged.

Dad got to see all the bloody mess, and it was cool. The all women surgery staff was quick, efficient, and amazing how they could manipulate various organs and stuff from one incision. Then you arrived baby, and boy the only think I could say or think about was, "whoa that's a big baby." It was beyond me how you fit up in mamma, and it made perfectly good sense why you weren't going to want to come out vaginally.

Baby girl, everything was so perfect, and the cheeks were the first thing that I noticed on you. Due to the c section you came out with perfect skin, no stretched out head, or anything like that. Such a cute kid you are, and mamma and I proud to take care of you for the remainder of time.

pitocin+epidural=baby?!?

Baby, it's been quite a ride for mamma and I. It's almost 24 hours since we've been participating in our "lock in" at fancy hospital. One can only imagine what the parking costs are going to be (stereotypical dad thought).

Anyways mamma had an eventful evening. It was determined that the pitocin was increasing contractions, and well that got me all exciting thinking that you would be arriving by the morning. Again it's almost noon, and it seems we'll be lucky if peek your head and body out before midnight.

Mamma at 3am decided to get the epidural. Anesthesiologist Resident man was a nice guy. I thought I played some disc with him, but really he just reminded me of Marshall, dude I swam with back in college. Hard to say if his bed side manners were fake or real, but when the 2nd anesthesiologist man came in, I had to ask the nurse if all anesthesiologist residents were cheery and positive, and she said "yes," who knew?

Mamma did really well with all the sharp intsturments involved in the epidura- basically a spinal tap. Since recv'ing the epidural, she has been at peace, sleeping, and getting her rest on.

FYI, if you ever want mamma to ever say "yes," to like. . .borrowing her new car, plagiarizing one of her unpublished poems, etc., all you have to do is slip a little pain med, or general sedative in her drink. Just the smallest of dose gets her initially very happy, giggly, and loopy. The effect is almost immediately after administering such wonder drugs, and then that window of opportunity is closed, but you didn't hear it from me, and I ain't endorsing such practices.

Currently we're on our 3rd midwife, and probably 4th of 5th nurse, talk about lack of continuity of care? If we have to stay here, shouldn't our providers stay here too? All in all, we've been happy with all of our care here, and baby you should be happy too, cuz everyone is rooting for you to come out.

As one nurse predicted, the boys like to stay in mamma's womb, while girls can't wait to get out. so perhaps baby, you're a boy baby, in that case you would be a pretty bad dude!

So baby, dad's thought of pitocin+epidural speeds up our introduction time, in theory is correct, but in real time, well it's out of anyone's control. The good news is that mamma's still oozing and leaking, still experiencing contractions, which all indicates progress. BTW, good baby, for not continuing to want to poop in the womb and swim up all in that junk :)

What do contractions feel like?

Nurse Jo, very nice nurse who stayed and worked with us through out the wee hours of the AM, states contractions feel like the brain freeze sensation when you bite into cold ice cream. Except if one is having labor pains are in the back, the pain feel like it's shooting up your ass, although in reality there's nothing shooting up, rather it is a downward moving sensation since ultimately the baby is shooting on out downwards. Well at least that's what I'm hoping for :) Things you learn while sleeping on the cot in the labor room.

moisture:precipitation as pitocin:relief

Well it's fastly approaching the dawning of a new day. Baby we've seen a midwives shift change, as well as 2 nursing shift change. As we enter this last day of January, you've failed your dad in coming a day late, and already losing what little college fund he had saved up. I imagine it won't be the first or last time daddy gambles away the savings, jk.

On a brighter note, mamma loves to monitor her contractions on the machine that gives her an output of how intense things are as well as how fast your hear rate is. Mamma has been experiencing more contractions, and some have even been intense.

While things were calm, dad got to go get some food, where a woman felt up his stomach by a complete stranger. Not because I'm pregnant, because she wanted to emphasize that I'm skinnier than she is and that I was getting a salad for dinner instead fries. Stay in a hospital long enough, all the crazies start talking to you.

Baby, you're going to enjoy this liquid goo stuff that's being shot into mamma's hand. It's going to intensify these contractions and cause you to shoot on out at some point. Mamma's resting up for the push, and well I'm about to caffeinate myself to be ready to push on through as well.

You rest up and hold on for the big squeeeze!

"why are you on the computer?"

So baby we finally brought you to your first "lock in." It's been about 4 hours since we arrived, and well you haven't done much.

The good thing is that mamma feels that we're in a good labor room, although with it's 15inch TV from the 70's, and a HVAC system just as old, most of my physical movements have been going back and forth to the thermostat to adjust it when it's too hot or too cold.

Mamma is currently sleeping, which is wise, since who knows how long we'll be here. Even though it's been many hours since the water broke, you're still very content and happy in the womb. We're not scary people I swear. What up with all this passive laboring? We want mamma screaming, kicking, threatening dad, and some pushing. Guess you're going to make us wait some more

What we do know is that you're starting to poop a bit, not too much, but it's enough for people to be cautious and keep us here, and induce labor. Getting back to the fancy hospital, this mysterious gel that makes mamma's cervix open up like cavern is lost on route. Can we get a tracking code like UPS? We hope that this little bit of pooping lasts until potty training, seriously not looking fwd to monstrous ass explosions.

So baby, it looks like you may not make the Jan 30th, as predicted birth. At least mamma gets to sleep and I get to be lazy and chill.

What would labor rooms be like without wifi? Thanks to wifi, friends continue to IM me asking why I'm on the computer? Cuz I can, and have nothing else to do. C'mon baby lets get it going!

Why would you be on call?!?

I was in the ER when the I recv'd the call stating that your mom's water had broke. The only problem was that I was not in the ER of the hospital we would be delivering.

I was actually on call tonight, and got called in to do an eval on sad pregnant girl. While I was just wrapping everything up. The charge nurse informs me that there is another eval. I announce to the ER nursing staff that I will not be able to start this eval, cuz I needed to go back home to be with mamma who's water just broke. One of the old ladies who works the phone in the ER says, "why would you be on call?!?"

Well kid, here's the story, you're a week late, and you don't have a barcode we can scan to see when you'll be due. Rather in 2008, nurses/midwives continue to use this paper dial that supposedly estimates when you were to be born. So their projections are looking to be more than a week off.

Why was I on call when I should have been with mamma you ask? Well dad's gotta work, and especially enjoys getting paid to sleep, although I got called in. Good things I was able to wrap things up with teary pregnant girl. The drive back from the hospital that I work at was surreal, the thoughts of meeting you, all the things we would do together just became more vivid and intense. I'm surprised I even got a couple of hours of sleep.

It's now morning time when I would usually hop on my bike and head into work, but mamma's pretty sure we're going to the hospital. Mamma's snoring as she has been for the last 4 months, and my guess is when she wakes up, shower, shits, and eat, we'll be on our way for our "lock in" at fancy hospital.

Here's hoping that my prayers are answered for an efficient and speedy arrival. Hold on tight