Broken is the New _____

Sad to say, but it's very clear that this blog has been neglected, but hooray to the visitors who still stop on by and take a peek at my reflections on fatherhood.

Last week babyboy sadly said, "our friendship is broken." Ouch! how does babydaddy respond to that? Ya see, babyboy was just in the midst of his full week of FT pre-K. Sometimes the limitations of kids being able to verbalize things are funny, or frustrating. In this instance, it was just an accurate statement.

Since moving to TN in 2011, babyboy and I have spent many hours and days together, while babymama went off to teach, and babygirl went off to pre-K. During the school year, we were partners in crime as we tackled laundry together, went grocery shopping, etc. We would read, play, eat, and go everywhere together. For the first time in babyboy's existence, he was regularly going somewhere else by himself, and babydaddy was at home.

In his own mind, we we weren't being friends, our relationship had drastically changed. He was under the care and guidance of his capable teachers and the greater school community, not his dad/friend.

Babydaddy would be lying if the thought of this new schedule and life as he knows it was oddly strange. Prior to life in TN, Babydaddy was clearly a breadwinner, sole financial provider, and worked various jobs to support the family. Life in TN has been full of new roles including: school dropoff dad, breakfast/lunch maker, family calendar manager, library dad, stay at home dad, train track designer+builder, business owner, etc. Just as I had fully understood and embraced those new roles, it all quickly changed. Many of those labels and roles are not as applicable this school year, and babydaddy is somewhat at a loss in diminished roles, new schedules, etc. Concretely babydaddy was aware of how things might be different, but emotionally babydaddy did not prepare for the idle time, changes in responsibilities (or lack of concrete ones), etc. Each week it seems that babydaddy is trying out new roles.

There is a sense of mourning and loss of the routines of the past, the ones that had become as comfortable as an old pair of jeans. This comfort of what was, is indeed "broken" according to babyboy, but like all things in life, with brokeness or destructions comes the opportunity to create and grow.

New often means something better, a clean/fresh start, or simply the beginning. "Broken" is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's been good to reflect on yesterday as it relates to today, and look forward to what tomorrow might be.

Babydaddy embraces and mourns the times with babyboy of the past, and look forward to all the many new endeavors that we will individually pursue during our time apart, but babyboy, we're not broken, you're simply growing up and leaving babydaddy in your dust.

Explosions

Just when Babydaddy gets around to blogging, time has exploded and a whole school year has gone by(wow!).

Along the same lines, babyboy is now 3 years old, or more specifically he turned 3 last week.

The hours, days, months, and certainly years all seem to swirl together.

In reflecting upon what babygirl was doing at 3 years old and what babyboy is doing at 3 years old, not to compare, but I will, things on the surface seem starkly different. Then again, babyboy always surprises, just like a understated poker player who ends up running the table. If anything has been consistent, its never count babyboy out.

Typically a month or few weeks before his birthday arrives, there's an explosion of stuff, a sort of show and tell version of all that he's learned in the last year, the developmental milestone he's already had in his back pocket, and it's presented in an oh so cavalier manner.

The family may just be out on the stoop(think less urban, and more country) and babyboy may just start singing his ABC's, babymama and babydaddy may share glances at one another just wondering how long he's had this song in his head.

With age, also comes feelings and emotions, and the greatest explosion of feelings is often directed at babygirl, not even sure where he gets the idea that's it's okay to push or shove, but babygirl is tough and standing her ground with him.

Just recently babyboy has been into mastering word combinations but mimicking what others say, he's also into asking "what does that mean?" Not so much "why?" or "what is that? Deep no?

Let see, babyboy mastered his scoot bike or balance bike, now he's tearing down any slight hill like a mad man. Like all toddlers he's very much into doing things himself, to the point where he'll undo what babydaddy has done, just so that he can do it "all by myself."

Now if babyboy can just fall asleep on his own, remain sleeping in his own bed the whole night, learn to swim, speak Spanish, eat food items that are not considered a dessert/treat or some sort of waffle, and solve world peace, his next year of life will truly be another explosive sight to witness.

All in all in the last year, babyboy and babydaddy have shared a good routine during the school year while babymama and babygirl were at school, and it was a very good year.

Looking forward to many more adventures and surprises in babyboy's next year of life.

Certainly wasn't climbing up the wall last year, but just last week he was crushing the climb and made it to the top.

And for now, he will continue to try to 

keep up with his sissy(babygirl)

Old Viewing Habits

There was a time when Babygirl was labeled "failure to thrive." Basically she had fallen of the growth curve shortly after she turned 1 year old. Obviously things like this happen all the time, especially when an infant gives up the mama milk, and then starts walking. We're talking about an increase in physical activity and calories burned, as well as the switch from the magical nutritional wonders of breast milk to formula(despite technology, formula companies continue to refine their recipe to better mimic everything that breast milk contains).

Prior to the official label of "failure to thrive," everything was tried to increase caloric intake, pediatrician asked us to double up the butter on toast, add oil to everything, etc. Needless to say, Babydaddy got good at sneaking in olive oil into all sorts of meals. Like anyone who's trying to put on weight, it's not necessarily just eating high calorie foods, but also increasing the frequency of eating such things too, which is not easy to convey to a verbally limited infant.

Naturally the one way that babymama and Babydaddy could keep food in front of babygirl long enough, was the introduction of watching TV while eating. If it were not for TV, meal times would be over in less than 5mins. Thus at an early age the idea of watching something and eating became synonymous.

Clearly Babygirl is way beyond the "failure to thrive" label(thank you PediaSure, the official weight gainer/protein shake for babies), but the habit of staring at a screen and putting food to mouth still continues. Naturally babyboy has taken to watching and eating as something normal.

America, it's embarassing as parents to admit that our children are not likely to eat as well if there is not a TV, but it ain't easy to break either, but we're working on it.

At the end of the day, Babygirl and Babyboy are healthy and thriving. Parenting is not always cookie cutter neat and proper, and sometimes we just have to do what we gotta do, and not worry what other parents might be thinking or saying.

 

Babygirl thriving and winning!

Babyboy thriving and not looking too shabby!

Creative Daddies

How could Babydaddy not share this with everyone?

Just wanna give a shout out to all the daddies out there, 

keepin it real and holdin it down- parenting ain't easy!

*know any other dad's that need shout outs for their superhuman efforts? 

let me know, love to spotlight them.

 

So You Think My Child. . .

It never fails when ever someone meets the family for the first time, they always want to compare the face of the child and match it up to a parent. Babymama and Babydaddy have gotten every combination of who looks like who. We do agree that Babyboy is ours, and he is without a doubt a biological sister to Babygirl, but we agree he looks "Serbian" or Eastern Bloc European.

Then there's always that person who wants to compare your child to a fake baby, fake as in not real, or simply created in a Pixar lab. No, people don't think Babyboy looks like the toy baby from Toy Story, but rather Jack Jack from the Incredibles.


At first Babymama and Babydaddy used to think this was funny and it was a clever compliment. Finally Babydaddy decided to refresh his memory of what exactly Jack Jack looks like.


C'mon. Really, he looks like Jack Jack! -because he has a big round head? Maybe similar ears that jut out? He doesn't even rock the faux hawk often either, nor does he turn into a flaming baby when  he's angry. He can be a ball of energy like all 2y/o but no babysitter has refused to come back to watch him.

So let this be a lesson to all of you parents out there, when your child is compared to a fictional child, it can't be a good thing. And if an acquaintance states that your son reminds them of a Pixar kid, it can't be a good thing.
Take a look.

These kids look great as characters, but really would you like to be the parent of child that looks like this? They look cute or funny on screen with their disproportional body parts and sizes, but in real life probably not so cute, just sayin' nothing against Pixar.


What unfavorable character has your child been compared to?

Its Easy to Go Overboard. . .

-with the goodie bags at a birthday party

-with one's excitement watching a vaginal or Cesarean delivery

-with doing so much that you've literally fallen over and sinking in (mess, illness, emotional paralysis, etc.)

-or simply enjoying the summer like Babydaddy has been doing this summer(the benefits of being your own boss, as well as working in an a field that has a seasonal slowdown).

Clearly this *dad went overboard in excitement, TMI, bodily fluids, etc. Dad's it's easy to geek out in the joys of fatherhood, but some are best not sharing with others.

Summer Pics

*yes i realize that this is purely fiction but there's some babydaddy's or babymama's who can come pretty close to the level of full disclosure, TMI, etc. just try not to be one of them :)

760ish and Counting: A Look Backwards

Wow, did not know it's been 3 months since Babydaddy's last threw up a post. Go figure Babydaddy has been more productive with his business blog, so naturally the dad blog has gone by the way side. Well 3 months have gone by and Babyboy is now 2 years old, like he was born in 2010.


As Babydaddy reflects back on the past 760ish days, it almost seems like the amount of life events covered like 1400 days. Here's a crude snap shot of 2 years:

May 2010- BabyBoy was born almost 2 weeks past due in family tradition of emergency c-section

July 2010- Babydaddy gets hit up w/pneumonia for a the 2nd time in his life

Fall 2010- brought on some of the most difficult and stressful challenges at work

Nov 2010- we find Babymama got the FT teaching job, and we'll be moving to TN in the summer, so she cab start teaching in the fall.

Jan 2011- Babyboy started wearing a helmet to reshape his head (unsure of exact start date) Prior to meeting with specialist on head shapes and doctor who invented the helmet, Babyboy also had trips to see a urologist and dermatologist(all for precautionary reasons, and hypervigilant pediatrician)

Jan 2011- Babyboy takes a trip to CA with family, Babyboy gets to dip his toes in both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans in less than a year, what took Babymama until adulthood to achieve

Feb-April 2011- Babydaddy spent much time and money trying to keep greenbus(our beloved green CR-V) alive

April 2011- Family forced to buy new car, as greenbus is headed for the scrap yard

May 2011- Babyboy no longer has to wear a helmet, and turns 1 years old.

May-June 2011- purging, packing, cleaning, rinse, repeat.

June 2011- we move away from a city that Babymama and Babydaddy arrived in 10 years prior as single, young kids, and left as a married couple with 2 kids. We leave our condo(1st home) vacant with no tenants moving despite valiant efforts to find someone.

July 2011- arrive in our new home after traveling and visiting w/friends and family(in MA, NY, PA, OH, and MI) for the past 2.5weeks.

Aug 2011- the hottest and driest summer in TN history= 5th ring of Dante's Inferno for us northerners. leaves were turning brown and falling by the end of the month.

Sept 2011- tenants move into our condo, babydaddy started teaching, babymama started teaching, babygirl started montessori pre-k, babyboy started to hang out with babydaddy more, babydaddy started paying rent on his own office space.

Dec 2011- finish paying off repair costs for greenbus which we hadn't owned for past 8 months.

Jan 2012- with help of County Sheriff's office we evicted our tenants

Feb 2012- our condo is listed for sale, well below the price we paid for

May 2012- Babymama participates in her 2nd graduation as a faculty member, and completes/survives her 1st year of FT teaching. Babygirl completes her 1st year of pre K. Babydaddy actually has busy days at the office, and Babyboy excited to make it to 2 years old and looking fwd to full summer with his whole family.

On a a side note:
In 2 years Babyboy has taken trips to CA, NC, FL, OH, MI, NY, RI, IL, and PA, and has lived in MA and TN. Also accompanied Babymama to 2 family funerals


Along with the many 1sts that come within the first 2 years of life(scoot crawling, standing, walking, talking, etc.), Babyboy had no trips to ER(thankfully), and has had 4 different regular nanny/babysitters/child care providers.

It's been a busy 2 years of growing for Babyboy, but so much more was happening around him as well.

birth-24months in 3 month intervals

Child Care

The stress of finding a regular sitter or nanny to watch the kids either for occasional outings or longer term, regularly scheduled work days can be stressful. There's always the balance of experience vs. cost, and of course the #1 issue is do you trust that this person will take care, or take better care of my child than I would?

While the kids may watch TV and play computer games when Babydaddy's home, the expectations is that paid help would watch, care, entertain and not be juggling their email, phone calls, etc. like most dual role parents.

I found this article interesting, of course all things about life in NYC is fascinating and expensive, but when the nanny is well compensated and getting paid more than most doctors, it really becomes an interesting read.

It also makes you wonder as a parent if resources and money was not a barrier, what is excessive and how much is too much? Obviously for some families, they have found that magical Mary Poppins like professional who will do more than just make medicines go down, and teach you how to sing songs.


In our new home, babydaddy has seen the stay at home woman that loves homeschool and juggling the household, to families that have regular hired help, and then there's people like babydaddy that calls on people associated with the university to help out on semi regularly scheduled days.

Where's the balance, what is optimal, what's best for little Jack and Jill, hopefuly mommy and daddy know best and are making good informed decisions about their children and family, no judgements from this Babydaddy- parenting and life ain't easy(and it's hardly ever black or white).

Word-a-palooza

Babyboy is still a baby, but slowly approaching toddlerhood as he's now 21months! The most exciting milestone is the verbalization of words, and it's been coming in bunches. Here's just a list that babydaddy could come up with on the fly.

higha- which is is way of saying "push me harder" on the swing, cuz I like to go "higher"

cand- somehow he knows where all the "candy" is, sometimes he asks for it 1st thing in the AM

bahy- "bye" one of his fav words to say when leaving or seeing others leave

truck- he's a boy, he loves his trucks of all kinds

agua- water in espanol, it's just easier to say than water

pease- "please" usually combined with candy, or some other treat

nana- "banana" may eat 2 a day, every day if he could

choo choo- "trains" living in the 'nooga, there's plenty of them to see

Thomas- as in Thomas the Tank Engine or Thomas and Friends

bow wow- "dog"

quack- it's what ducks "say"

up- when he wants to be picked up

down- likes to get "down" from high chair or swing

mama- babymama of course

dada- babydaddy

Chuck- ask in "Chuck the Truck," Tonka's new way of appealing to kids

barn- "Barney" the purple dino

cross-as in "Red Cross" apparently I have a lot of shirts with crosses from year of donating platelettes

ta- as in "Tawsha" his fav lady at the gym child care room

choc- "chocolate" definitely has a sweet tooth

poop- is "poop"

wow- is "wow" when something is new, big, grand, etc.

uh oh- typically when he drops/breaks something

clock- "clock"


responds to more than single word commands/requests- babydaddy once asked him to go put his socks by the laundry room, he knew what to do, pretty impressive.

recognize letters- just started showing an interest in letters, unfortunately he thinks everything is the letter "H"


If you made it this far, wow, sorry for the boring post that's more for babydaddy than for anyone else, but kuddos if you found it all very interesting. On that note, all children develop at their own pace, here's what babygirl was saying/doing at 18months.

4 Years Ago Today

This blog was started 4 years ago today. Why? Well, with the intent to chronicle this dad's journey into fatherhood. Like many things, when re-visiting the past, we encounter embarrassing things, etc

Reading back the tone, the grammar mistakes of Babydaddy's 1st couple of post are embarrassing and interesting. Nonetheless, 4 years ago it all started here, take a look at how far we've grown.

Why Would You Be On Call?!?

"Why Are You On the Computer?"

I turned around one evening, and found Babygirl having literally

crawled out of her bed to sneak up on Babydaddy

 

Babydaddy is still living the dream of becoming a prolific blogger, 

and a dad with a bounty of knowledge.

Yeah for Dads!

Babydaddy has noticed a lot of stuff out there on stay at home dads, and articles about dad's being more that just the bread winner in a family. Perhaps it has to do with the economy, perhaps society is growing and stretching the idea of parenting.

So here's a couple of links.

Depressed Father's Put Their Children at Risk of course when mommy or daddy is not doing well, it typically means it's not good for the children as well, but there was some new and interesting stuff in this article.

Fathermuckers this is proposed new name for dad's that stay at home with kid(s), as well as the title of a new book coming out soon. What name/term do/would you prefer?

Developing Mad Skills, yo!

Fatherhood presents many challenges, but also many opportunities to learn.

Here's some of Babydaddy's growing skill set(in no particular order):
-making up creative names for foods(daddy cheesy bread, not to be mistaken with "cheesy bread" or Texas Toast, red worm pasta, etc.)
-aspirating boogies from noses(if only this was a marketable skill or a skill that could be monetized, the kids would be paying cash for college)
-holding a child and doing a chore or simply going to the bathroom
-finding that inanimate object that's going to entertain for the next 5 mins
-clipping nails or as Babymama likes to call it "dad-icures"
-doing things over and over and not getting sick of it(listening or singing the same songs, or reading books)
-foraging(not plated) for snacks that the kids left behind for Babydaddy

what skills have you developed or working on?

Home is NOT Where the Heart Is!

Yes you read that right, Babydaddy is going all 90's angsty grundge on ya!

Babymama had asked Babydaddy if he was looking fwd to the annual holiday trip back to our childhood homes to visit with family, and he replied yes and no. He knew it would be different with 2 active kids this year, and having to supervise and plan for activities would hardly be the vacation that they used to take. Prior to kids it used to be about staying out late, sleeping in, and eating good ol' fashion mama's cooking.

Holiday trip 2011 was epic, not because the kids were one again spoiled rotten in love and attention only grandparents (six total!) can give or gifts made in China. 10 days away from our home resulted in 10 nights of interrupted/disturbed sleep.



Interrupted/disturbed sleep can look like any of the following:
-nearly 4y/o Babygirl who always end up btwn Babymama and Babydaddy during the middle of the night
-Babygirl may sleep sideways, upside down, kick covers off, or may slap or kick one's face.
-Babygirl also may bring in any one of her stuffed animals, which only adds to the crowded bed effect
-Babyboy simply may just decide to wake up every 2-3hrs, which will inevitably lead to him in btwn Babymama and Babydaddy in the same bed.
-Babyboy may roll, twist, and turn in bed as well, which is a surprise and safety concern.
-Babyboy and Babygirl ending up in the same queen size bed at Babymama and Babydaddy, leading to Babydaddy having to sleep all contorted, or Babymama seeking respite on the living room couch.
-Babyboy and Babygirl would also end up falling asleep many hours beyond their typical bedtime at home.






All these disruptions and interruptions would lead to feeling exhausted come morning time, it would also lead to totally whacked out dreams loosely based on current events and reality. Naturally it leads to diminished immune system, and leads to getting sick. Such as the both kids getting the sniffles and runny noses, and Babymama fighting a mild cold, which naturally Babydaddy catches at the tail end of the trip.

So that old Americana saying "Home is Where the Heart is" is totally false. I would like to officially change that saying to, Home is Where One's Own Bed is Located. Whatever your bed may be, there's nothing quite like returning home and resting your head on your very own pillow and bed.

Hoping that 2012 is full of sleeping in your own bed!

Just Go Big

Dad's or dad's to be if you're ever in the market to buy a new bed, and are looking to upgrade from the full, just go crazy, skip ahead, pass Go and collect $200!, skip the queen, and just go king or California king.

Never would have thought that Babydaddy would be complaining about how small a queen size bed feels, but throw in an infant and a toddler, and you'll wish you were sleeping on a park bench which is wider than that amount of mattress you'll get when you're sharing the queen with 3 other bodies.

Kids don't sleep properly, they like to sleep perpendicular(or upside down) to the bed, like to spread out the little limbs, like to kick off covers/blankets, and notorious for waking up early and not falling back asleep.

In the past week, Babydaddy woke up with babyboy using his hip as a pillow, mind you Babydaddy thought it was Babygirl the whole time. Another time this week both to the surprise of Babymama and Babydaddy, Babygirl had Houdini-ed her way right in the middle of them, without anyone waking. Just tonight, went into bed to find the bed occupied by Babygirl and Babymama, right smack in the middle of the bed, leaving Babydaddy just a sliver of mattress to occupy tonight.

The options are(can you tell I'm in the midst of creating a final exam)
a) sleep on couch
b) sleep in Babygirl's bed(which would be like sleeping in minefield of stuffed animals, toys, etc.)
c) find a park bench to sleep on
d) sleep with half of my family, knowing that by an ungodly AM hour, Babyboy will have to join us due to not being able to go back to sleep. Gotta love family time.

I'll be California (king bed) dreamin' tonight!

Photocredit:1800mattressblog.com

What time is it again?!?

Playful Parenting

It's been a busy time of the year over, with both babymama and babydaddy being all professorial and teaching college kids, so here's a copy and paste of a blog post from my other blog.

wwww.johnleemsw.com

Hope everyone is having a wonderful start to the holiday season. So glad babygirl and babyboy are not of they age where they ask for specific things for Christmas.

How familiar is this scene in your household: Child watching TV, playing video games, on the computer, talking on the phone, etc., and you're wanting their attention to alert them to something like, "time for dinner," "pick up your clothes," etc.

Often times the child is fully engaged in their activity of choice and don't/can't hear a parent's call. Logic says if a child can't hear us, we should just speak louder or yell. Eventually a child breaks their focus to the yelling of a parent who may or may not be fuming at this point. The child may be very confused why mom or dad is "buggin' out," and may also react to this negative tone by yelling back or being disrespectful.

Recently, I've had much success with a more playful interaction. Instead of getting frustrated with what seems to be like I'm talking to no one(Bueller. . .Bueller. . .Bueller?) or yelling at a small child, I would use a silly, deep, playful voice(think of nicer version of the man behind the curtain from Wizard of Oz). In this playful voice, I would just have to say the name of my child once, and there would be a response full of giggles and a "who is that(with eye contact)."

Most parents aspire to be loving parents, and most are, there's certainly a time for limit setting and authority, but there's certainly room for play as well within parenting. How many parents enjoyed the playful moments with their infants and toddlers, was this a result of the parenting book du jour that encouraged play, or was it something organic and natural?

Children were born to play, its their natural way of interacting with others, manage their feelings, and make sense of the world. Somewhere after toddler-hood the idea and use of play goes out the window by adults. What would it be like if there could still be moments of imaginative play, or creative play, or silliness between parents and children?

Sometimes our adult logic doesn't translate well with children, but play rarely needs to be translated for children. It's this combination of playfulness, love, and logic that often amounts to positive interactions between parents and children. Relax and play along with your kids!

Photo Credit: home-school-coach

Nostalgia or Hipster?

No one truly claims to be hipsters in this family, yet the family all has some hipness to it. Like have you ever see babyboy move, there's literally a lot of one sided hip action. Babygirl has always been on the cutting edge of putting an outfit together, these days she's seems to be married to her pink converse, and has finally taken to wearing socks. Babymama is the hip dressed prof at the college, so hip that she may be the only one in rural TN sporting cowl neck sweaters that get mistaken for a backwards hoody.

There are things that as parents that Babymama and Babydaddy do for unknown motivations such as Babymama has been slowly amassing old school Little People playhouse and house accessories from ebay for the past 2 years for the kids. She also introduced Follow that Bird to Babygirl, that Sesame Street movie was made in the 80's. She also got Babygirl interested in the Care Bears and Strawberry Shortcake cartoons, and also sports s new but retro looking Rainbow Bright T-shirt. Babygirl has been known to watch Yogi Bear since we don't have cable (Babydaddy was given a box set of Yogi Bear Hana Barbara cartoons way back when). Babygirl's has seen more hours out of Snagglepuss and Yakee Doodle than Babydaddy has during his whole childhood. To the point he's scared she'll let a "heavens to megatroid", or "exit stage left" slip at school.

How many other parents like to recite a little Billy Madison when washing their child's hair. Babydaddy has been telling Babygirl that conditioner leaves her hair "silky and smooth." He wonders at what age she'll realize that was not just fact but also a quote from a character Adam Sandler played. Perhaps all kids will reach an age where they will have watched Billy Madison on youtube or something, and all have this eureka moment.

Both Babygirl and Babyboy are into the Letter People an educational video back in the day to help kids learn about letters(google it, it's pretty entertaining). Babyboy has also been known to sport vintage Cleveland Indian paraphernalia as well.

Are we hipsters just re-living our childhood through our children? Or is our stuff from our childhood infinitely better than what's available today. Are the moral lessons of GI Joe really on par with the moral lessons from Veggie Tales? While the new Transformers movies are ok, the original Transformer Movie with the banging soundtrack was even better.

Remember the days when the Nintendo wouldn't work, you would pop out the cartridge and blow on it. To this day Babymama does this with anything that does not work. Lo and behold Babygirl does this as well. At what point in college will she encounter other friends that do the same and discover that this was a phenomenon to solving technological problems in the mid 1980's?

This daddy ain't sure where all the retro 80's stuff is coming from, perhaps it has to do with our perceptions of what is safe, and well the 80's were safe according to our small world view than it is today in 2011. Will irreparable damage be caused by such exposures? Only time will tell.

Go Play Ball!

For the past month babydaddy got to play softball on a weekly basis, sometimes playing more than once a week. Ya see, babydady got asked to play on babymama's colleague's faculty softball team, that primarily plays against other student in the university's intramural league.

Babydaddy having never played organized baseball, softball or T-Ball in his life, this was going to be comical at best. Nuances of the game from a defensive positioning and strategy, etc. Many times I was just focused on two things, make contact with stick and ball, and run as fast as possible to the next base. In the field well, after couple of games in right field, it was clear I was better off being the catcher, which I didn't mind.

It's been humbling and fun for babydaddy to play a sport that he knows he's not good at. It's also good that it was competitive, but at the same time due to babydaddy's own skill level, he couldn't take the game so seriously.

Sometimes when opportunities present itself to us dad's, we have to take it. Even if it may be a humbling experience or something that's embarrassing. The need to get out, to have fun outside of family makes for good life balance, and if anything it's a great story to share with the kids. At the end of the day, they don't care if you won or lost, but just knowing that you're a "softball player" or that you have other roles than just official swing pusher, and lunch maker gives children other ways to identify/interact with their dads.

Say What?

Things that Babygirl has learned at school and mentioned off the cuff:

• "crybaby" as in her baby bro is a "crybaby"

• the act of choking- she put both hands around her neck and showed me that's how you choke i can only guess someone in her class is guilty of choking a sibling and not preparing for a suicide club

• various old school church songs that I grew up singing, guess she's now learning them at school

• the complete story of creation, the beginnings of Cain and Abel, and the tower of Babel

• "girls don't play pirates" as in this is what only the boys play at recess

• "this is boring" used in context, but not convinced she knows what it really means, same for "deal"

•  knows the middle names for most of her class, and learns Spanish songs, but refuses to say any Korean words

• awkwardly shy and silent, or totally and open book and singing songs for strangers

The whole instilling independence form the Montessori program is great, but hearing "leave me alone, I'm going to do it myself" sucks. Hearing, "I'm going to go outside, ok?" but its not really a question cuz she's already out the door swinging on her swings.

Since babygirl's teacher is totally on a pedestal, I hear myself saying "what would Ms. S say if you did this at school?" How many more months/years do I have before I lose all influence over my child?

Things I Just Figured Out

3.5 years after the birth of babygirl, and 1.5 years after the birth of babyboy, I continue to learn new things about parenting, and raising a child- more specifically a girl. Despite being a women's studies minor in college, and having good foundation of feminist theories and thoughts, as well as reading some parenting books/blogs, I learned something new recently.

Not even babymama cared to teach me this or go over the fine art of washing hair. As a guy, and a guy who's shaved his head many times, it's relatively easy to wash my own hairs. Basically, get arbitrary amount of shampoo in your palm and slap it on the top of your head and lather. This works when you have a short hair. When you're a gal or a guy with shoulder length hair this does not work.

Babygirl would complain that I was pulling her hair and causing her pain while washing her hair or conditioning her hair. It then it all made sense, if I placed the shampoo or conditioner more towards the end of her hairs, then it wouldn't take so much effort to lather her hair vs trying to get shampoo from the top of her head down to the roots.

I realize this isn't worthy of MacArthur Foundation Grant, and perhaps it's a no-brainer, but I like to imagine that some other dads out there have also not gotten the tutorial to washing their babygirl's hair painfree. Can I get a witness?

2 little monkeys swinging in a tree

Transitions+Longings

Moving to a different region of the country with no known friends or contacts can be challenging. Certainly if it wasn't for the family, the feeling of loneliness/isolation may be more pronounced, but spending time with children as well as babymama has lessened those feelings. Being a part time stay at home babydaddy also further causes me to feel isolated in some ways, which is something I can share with all the babymamas out there holding down the fort.

Transitioning to a new place in this day in age is probably very different than in the past, the fact that I still keep up with "local" news of my former home towns, as well as keep up with various interests all via the web, it's almost like I never moved.

Despite staying current and relevant in my professional field, pop culture, sports, politics, weather, etc., I have a longing for relationships, which is the struggle for every parent or stay at home parent, but knowing that I won't see the friends we left behind is now wearing on me. It's one thing to vicariously follow their lives via blog, msg boards, social media, etc., but those are all good forms of keeping in touch when you know you will see them in the immediate future, it's totally different when txt msgs and emails are the only means of sustaining friendships with no face to face contact. I miss interacting with wifey's neighborhood mama friends who would just stop by or I would see at playgrounds, the get togethers with my friends and their new families, as well as hanging out with friends without kids.

Forming and sustaining local relationships around children is simply going to be a long and slower process, like all things in the South.

In the meantime I have my family, and I have to recognize and appreciate what I got.