It's So Hard. . .

. . . to say goodbye to Babygirl these days. Just the other day I held Babygirl, gave her a hug+kiss and began to leave just like every other weekday morning, only this time Babygirl let me know how she really felt. Babygirl threw down her sippybottle with vengence, began to scream/cry and stomp her feet. I was frozen in my tracks, how do I leave a girl who's clearly unhappy with saying goodbye.

I wouldn't say that Babygirl is more clingy, or needy, but I would say we continue to have our own special moments where we come up with new ways to bond, find new ways to laugh, or silly new things we learn together. She's into independent play, able to self soothe, and ask for things.

I guess in some ways my schedule has changed as I've been playing ultimate frisbee this summer(something I look fwd to starting in Feb). I'm away 1-2 nights a week for ultimate, but on top of that I'm working 2 evenings a week, so that really leaves very little time for quality time. Also in the mix, has been 7:3oAM physical therapy appts x2/week, which takes away from some AM bonding(although that's going to end this Fri.)

I wish I could say that Babygirl is just exhibiting large emotions with goodbyes, but it really doesn't happen when Babymamma goes out, or when we're leaving someplace, but it only seems to occur when I'm leaving by myself. I guess she's really letting me know how she feels, and I can't help but sigh, and feel guilty and sad for leaving.

It would be one thing if I just never came home, and I was perpetually absent every night, but it's the small amount of time that I'm home which is just a tease for her and perhaps gets her all excited to see me, and then quickly I'm going out the door. I can only hope that things will get better in time, but perhaps in time Babygirl will only begin to expect that "daddy just likes to go places with me."

I guess in many ways Babydaddy has got to do some thinking about his whereabouts on a day to day basis, and re-think his schedule, even if it means cutting back in work. How have other dealt with the balane btwn spending time with family vs. providing for family vs. balancing the needs of one own's self and sanity?