Say What?

Things that Babygirl has learned at school and mentioned off the cuff:

• "crybaby" as in her baby bro is a "crybaby"

• the act of choking- she put both hands around her neck and showed me that's how you choke i can only guess someone in her class is guilty of choking a sibling and not preparing for a suicide club

• various old school church songs that I grew up singing, guess she's now learning them at school

• the complete story of creation, the beginnings of Cain and Abel, and the tower of Babel

• "girls don't play pirates" as in this is what only the boys play at recess

• "this is boring" used in context, but not convinced she knows what it really means, same for "deal"

•  knows the middle names for most of her class, and learns Spanish songs, but refuses to say any Korean words

• awkwardly shy and silent, or totally and open book and singing songs for strangers

The whole instilling independence form the Montessori program is great, but hearing "leave me alone, I'm going to do it myself" sucks. Hearing, "I'm going to go outside, ok?" but its not really a question cuz she's already out the door swinging on her swings.

Since babygirl's teacher is totally on a pedestal, I hear myself saying "what would Ms. S say if you did this at school?" How many more months/years do I have before I lose all influence over my child?

Things I Just Figured Out

3.5 years after the birth of babygirl, and 1.5 years after the birth of babyboy, I continue to learn new things about parenting, and raising a child- more specifically a girl. Despite being a women's studies minor in college, and having good foundation of feminist theories and thoughts, as well as reading some parenting books/blogs, I learned something new recently.

Not even babymama cared to teach me this or go over the fine art of washing hair. As a guy, and a guy who's shaved his head many times, it's relatively easy to wash my own hairs. Basically, get arbitrary amount of shampoo in your palm and slap it on the top of your head and lather. This works when you have a short hair. When you're a gal or a guy with shoulder length hair this does not work.

Babygirl would complain that I was pulling her hair and causing her pain while washing her hair or conditioning her hair. It then it all made sense, if I placed the shampoo or conditioner more towards the end of her hairs, then it wouldn't take so much effort to lather her hair vs trying to get shampoo from the top of her head down to the roots.

I realize this isn't worthy of MacArthur Foundation Grant, and perhaps it's a no-brainer, but I like to imagine that some other dads out there have also not gotten the tutorial to washing their babygirl's hair painfree. Can I get a witness?

2 little monkeys swinging in a tree

Transitions+Longings

Moving to a different region of the country with no known friends or contacts can be challenging. Certainly if it wasn't for the family, the feeling of loneliness/isolation may be more pronounced, but spending time with children as well as babymama has lessened those feelings. Being a part time stay at home babydaddy also further causes me to feel isolated in some ways, which is something I can share with all the babymamas out there holding down the fort.

Transitioning to a new place in this day in age is probably very different than in the past, the fact that I still keep up with "local" news of my former home towns, as well as keep up with various interests all via the web, it's almost like I never moved.

Despite staying current and relevant in my professional field, pop culture, sports, politics, weather, etc., I have a longing for relationships, which is the struggle for every parent or stay at home parent, but knowing that I won't see the friends we left behind is now wearing on me. It's one thing to vicariously follow their lives via blog, msg boards, social media, etc., but those are all good forms of keeping in touch when you know you will see them in the immediate future, it's totally different when txt msgs and emails are the only means of sustaining friendships with no face to face contact. I miss interacting with wifey's neighborhood mama friends who would just stop by or I would see at playgrounds, the get togethers with my friends and their new families, as well as hanging out with friends without kids.

Forming and sustaining local relationships around children is simply going to be a long and slower process, like all things in the South.

In the meantime I have my family, and I have to recognize and appreciate what I got.